It’s been a strange couple of weeks in a lot of areas of life. Oh who am I kidding it’s been a strange couple of months! As most of you know, ( I am assuming I am the only who will read this so “most of you” is me, well at least the part of me that isn’t denying it… hence “most of you” in the interpersonal physical sense!) I turned 40 back in November. Being ready for what was going to happen was not on my to do list. I had no clue the changes that would begin taking place physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I wasn’t prepared and think it was for the better or I may have ruined the whole event!
My bride and I were having a discussion the other night and through that I realized, though I have never admitted it before, or even thought much about it… I, yes I am very contrary! I know you already knew that but it was a shocking discovery to me! Not really. I have never appreciated anyone telling me what I should do, how it should be done, or the fact that someone thought long enough to suggest something to me. How dare they! Granted I am nowhere near as bad as I had been 20 years ago… yet still I just did not want to hear about what you thought I should do, read, watch, learn, listen too… the list goes on. There’s still a lot of that in me… especially when it comes to social media. If I have a personal relationship with you I don’t mind what you post unless it directly offends me… then you will here it. Here’s the difference I have noticed in me. Person A: constantly posting pointed stuff about a topic; we will say a specific religious belief; before I would respond to your posts just to be contrary, said person would then get offended… now I just stop following you! I believe we have a massive disconnect today. From my angle.. and I don’t know if it’s media but I see very strong division between all groups of people. I see blame… hatred… finger pointing everyday on “those” sights and it pains me.
I watch tweets come by blatantly accusing one entire group for the senseless violence that occurs today. I have to tell you it really can be offensive. I studied politics and psychology in school as well as history and English. I watch things from the outside and evaluate. I cringe at the inability of our government to be able to work together toward a common solution, but I am terrified at the American people’s inability to do the same. Maybe in 2013 we can all make it a goal to look at life with some commonality. Not saying we all need to agree, that would be boring… but if in that disagreement we can find a common ground… we are already on our way to the solution. If we can all share from our experience and offer our perspective from a place of peace… we can do amazing wondrous things together. It does not matter if you want to ban guns and I am a gun proponent… because we both want our children to feel safe and protected at all times. I watch, I listen, I evaluate, I do. I am a supporter of anti-violence causes. ( I know if you’re probably having problems understanding how a gun advocate can be supporting non violence).. that’s what I was just talking about. Here’s the truth.. I, everyday try to , live, work and practice non violent life. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever think I’d like to kick this guys ass because he is so rude and belligerent because I do. But I don’t act on it, which I see happening on a regular basis where I work. I try to live in peace everyday. I am non-violent. I want my family to live in a non threatening non violent place where they can feel peace and safety all the time. However… if my family is threatened by violence, by those not living these values, I will defend with all I am. I will protect my family with everything I have. That’s the bottom line. I don’t think there is anyone out there who would say different. If you do, maybe I should focus my next blog on psychology. Bah enough of that. I just offer perspective… and my favorite new hashtag #peacelovetrailsandhappiness.
1 I’m less contrary!!
2 I have found myself incredibly more sentimental, not about things but about outside conditions memories.
3 I have been so much more spiritually connected without a forced practice or needing to have a regular activity focusing on it.
4 losing weight feels good! 21 lbs since November
5 I friggin love… I mean love running.
6 I have more patience, tolerance, and kindness then I remember having in a long long time.
7 I am taking advice!! <- biggy there!
8 I am paying more attention to my health, and cherish each day a little more
9 after more than 20 yrs of abuse and neglect I went to a Doctor and got everything checked out!!! Labs were MINT! Cholesterol, lipids, glucose, spot freaking on! T-level not so much
10 i no longer believe (all the time) that I can do this shit all on my own! Not only do I recognize that I need help, I like getting it. Still don’t always like asking for it. But I need it!
11 I’m researching and inquiring about T-level support… and also about supplements to support all the stuff I never used to care about!
12 I have found out some family history recently that really scared the shit out of me. Things I wish I knew about 20 years ago but in reality probably wouldn’t have made any difference then.
13 Family and friendship have become even more important than they already were. The social part as well. I want to text less and get together more!
14 Politics and Religious ideas have taken a far far far back seat in my public life. It doesn’t matter what my beliefs or political stances are. THEY ARE WHAT SEPARATE you and I. Come together!
15 My dreams for the future have not changed! I still only see my awesome wife and I in our cabin (or hobbit hole) in the woods surrounded by forest and wildlife and a big pack of dogs! Simple life (ok that’s not really a change, but it’s something important to me… it’s a hope that still holds truth)
16 I started writing again. Ok I’m not writing fiction, or shorts, but after a few years I’m writing again. To be honest I don’t know if I ever saw myself as a fiction writer. I am definitely more of and experience based guy! So I started a blog and am writing.
17 I’m happier than I can remember being in a long time, I still have things that I’d like to improve… but I’m happy that I know about them too!
18 I am learning to become better at communicating. Sharing emotions, feelings has never been something I learned how to do. So I’m practicing.. This blog helps
19 I like being 4! When I’m what my wife says I look like I’m 4 I feel free, I feel like a child, seeing things for what they are. It’s when I become 40 again that changes. I’m trying to be 4 much much more!
20 Letting go! I have lived with some forms of anxiety and fear most of my life. I’m learning to let go.
Okay so there’s my top 20 for now. It’s funny because so much of this I can trace the changes to the running.