Checking in with Horowitz

I want to write something profound. I’d like to say something to put him back in check. Today however he is yelling in my ear. “I fucking told you so…”.

I knew this morning and partly last night I needed to take a mental health day. Maybe distract myself from my own head a little and go for a walk in the woods or something. I slept in a bit, because through all of this sleeping is not restful and I wake up far more tired than when I go to bed. Continuing to get up and go through the motions of auto-drive. So I thought a change in the routine may help.

Because I was home, an out of the ordinary visit occurred, which right now seemed to give Horowitz some more ammunition. Yeah he’s on the soap box.

“you have let everyone down”
“they’d be happier without you”
“you cause pain all around you”
“why do you keep struggling all the time”
“you’re always going to feel like this”

Step 4 without the gratitude yet. I’m not in a good place. Freddy (another part of me) has tried to peak out a couple of times but Horowitz slams the door shut. I can’t seem to disassociate from him.

Maybe I’ll go for a walk.

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